Double standards go both ways

 I wasn't a good partner. At least not all the time, or even most of the time.

That doesn't meant I can't be a good partner. But I think for both to flourish then both need the right environment. Unfortunately for her I wasn't able to see it often enough. Or until it was too late.

I admit I should have called it off sooner or taken some kind of action to let her know the score. Primarily 2 things stopped me.

1, she would have obviously been upset and given how small the place we lived in was. it would have been fucking unbearable. Moving out and the associated arrangements would have taken weeks at least That would have been unpleasant for both of us.

2 - I can be selfish. I'm not the most selfish person I know but I was a lot during this relationship. Without going in to the specifics, I had a financial interest in keeping me there for a certain amount of time. And true form as soon as that time had passed am unexpected opportunity presented itself that I had to take advantage of in order for this relationship to end.

Did it end how I'd have wanted it to? Of course not, There is no nice way. I did some hurtful things to make it easier on myself rather than on her or both of us. So I accept and own my actions that ended up hurting her.

HOWEVER... The downfall of the relationship was not all my doing. True, as far as I know she didn't do anything deliberate in the way I did. But by jolly-fuck we were just too different people on 2 many different ways. I have a need to be understood in a relationship. Doesn't everyone? But for me it's huge, a deal breaker. At the start things seemed ok....or was I (or both of us) just blinded to them by the excitement of a new relationship?

Let me make it clear that I'm not saying or suggesting she was directly to blame for the hurt or destruction I caused.

The problem is she's spending a lot of time broadcasting my faults (or what she perceives them to be) on social media. Now on the surface I'm not all that bothered. We've blocked each other so I don't get to see it but she has 'spies' who report back on my posts. The sparse mutual friends we had are likely sitting back with popcorn waiting for a social media brawl to commence. They'll be disappointed as I'm not taking part.

I'm pretty certain that will be taken as me not being able to answer what she says due to a 'guilty conscience' and again that doesn't bother me much. It wouldn't actually be true though. It's partially because about 50% of what she's posting about our split is simply wrong, and I have screenshots etc to back it up. But I'm not interested being being that guy. I don't see any good coming from a battle between us because the winner will be the one who can hit the hardest, and given the amount of info we "have" on each other, a lot of innocent and unconnected people will get hurt.

Should the day come when that concern no longer bothers me I'll be happy to put on my metaphorical boxing gloves.

Don't hold your breath though.